Let me begin by saying never ever beat yourself up when you make a misjudgment in character. Emotional abuse can happen to any one, it doesn't mean that you are weak or stupid. If you research it you will find that the majority of women that this happens to are caregivers that's their personality and they see the good in all people. We just don't know the danger signs, or maybe we just don't listen to our instinct.
I am 54 years old and I spent 16 years in an abusive relationship. I loved the man with all my heart, he was abused as a child so he was a pro at playing the victim and that's where he snagged me. I remember the first time I went out with him, he said some things to me that I found very rude and instead of shutting him down then I thought oh this poor guy and so the downhill spiral began for me.
You see I have a lot of compassion and empathy for people and I love animals so I thought wow he can't be all bad because he too loves animals and he had a rough life. You see he told me about his mistreatment and he told me over and over what a good guy he was and I fell for it hook line and sinker. I broke up with him several times because something felt wrong but when I became ill with MS and I felt so horrible I just wanted someone to be there for me because I was so scared and the fact that I couldn't fight back made it a perfect situation for him.
I moved in with him and during the 7 years I lived with him he threatened to throw me out every time he didn't get his way. Started calling me horrific names in front of company, totally disrespecting me. I never knew what would set him off, he would accuse me of cheating if I were a few minutes late. And forget having friends, it just wasn't worth the 50 some odd calls you would get checking on you. He lied over the smallest things and I caught him every time, and he would still lie about it. So your asking why didn't I leave, I ask that too every day and all I can say is I believed somehow it was my fault that I pushed him too hard or far, when my instincts were telling me to run.
I'm not going to spend time going over all the ugliness bc it was ugly, I want to tell you there is hope.. Ask yourself if your partner treated your daughter the way they treat you how would you feel about that person? And if it's a negative think long and hard about what you are doing with this person.
I would love to say I got the guts to walk but his mother decided to make that decision for me, when she showed up at the bathroom door with a butcher knife. Yeah I even laughed thinking this must be some joke, you see this on tv it can't happen to me. But it did and it was real and she tried to stab me followed me insulting my body, and you know what this man that I loved did? He lied to the police and told them I hit his mother and she scratched herself up and claimed I did it because they were trying to evict me. Yeah how's that for a kick in the gut, not only are you on the streets but the person you trusted and supported sells you down the river to the police by lying. And when I thought it couldn't get any worse it did, this boy kept all of my stuff, still has it has not offered to give it back to me. I paid rent and utilities to live with him, bought his mother and him clothing household goods and I was left with nothing. The worst thing they took from me was my dog who was my heart and soul, she was mine before I moved in with him but I can't see her anymore. That almost destroyed me.
I beat myself up, I felt worthless, betrayed and then I went for counseling and as the layers come off there it was in black and white I was abused and wow I thought it could not happen to me. That was a hard one to digest, the way I was isolated from my family and friends should have been a big clue and I feel horrible for allowing that to happen but it did and six months later I have two rescue dogs that are my saving grace. They rescued me and while they can't replace my dog, she knew I loved her and one day when Mom has passed and baby boy has no one to play victim with he has to look in the mirror and accept the things he has done to others. I pray for him that he doesn't continue on that path but I believe he will until he is all alone and can't hide from it. See they know deep inside that they are not doing the right things that's why they work so hard to bring people down and talk themselves up. So really we must pity them because they are really quit broken and sad.
So I say thank you to both for expediting things and sometimes we hit the bottom to climb higher than we ever were before. Two things I can assure myself of, I can make it alone, I am learning to love myself and for the first time in my entire life I believe in myself. I have indulged my creative side and I am at peace. It's amazing, I discovered that I was always trying to be what I thought people wanted me to be but it was never who was I was. Trust me it's not an easy journey but if I can do it you can too. So I'm going to blog in hopes to reach someone else who feels they can't pull themselves back up because you can, you are stronger than your abuser just look at what you've dealt with. These are strengths you can turn these around to work in your favor. Please feel free to comment and let's take this amazing journey called life to higher plains. Let's fall in love with ourselves and pray for those abusers.
